Nobody really knew this, but you were the reason I got interested in the possibility of starting a blog. It’s been interesting. I kind of wish you could see it. August is getting nearer, and the weeks are getting harder.
Things seemed to have surrounded me. It’s just reversion and it’s slow; slow and enduring. The world feels grey, and I’m lost in it. I can’t differentiate from the places I find myself in, all I know is it just feels out of place and misunderstood wherever I go. That bothers me, because my progress felt so content after those heavy years of abandonment and isolation. I don’t know what this is for, why am I even typing this?
I think the truth is I miss you; or rather I miss your understanding, or just feeling understood. While some people say I’m too nice or too much of a prick, you were the one that made me feel just right. You sort of got that awkward disposition. It’s just a concoction of the brittle world I’ve found myself in; it all feels so raw. There’s no light left and it’s gotten too dark to see anything. Hopeless and remorseful, will I ever be content? This is very unfocused, but this is desperation. I miss you, it hurts and I thought I’d be used to it by now. I think of your tombstone and I wish I could live in our conversation. It all felt so warm, I miss that understanding: that mutual wavelength.
Now things feel desolate again, I can feel the distance. As food loses its taste and I somehow forget the sound of your voice, I remember you fondly, but think of you with a chest of heavy glass. I currently feel such bitter hatred to people; everything feels rotted and decayed like an old poison that won’t let go. It’s this mass of animosity I feel, I’m not sure with who, it feels like everyone and no one at the same time. Isolated and cold, it’s all so misguided.
In conclusion, I wish you here, I wish you near, I wish you were anywhere but gone.
Unfaithfully Yours, Peanut…